on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
