i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
