I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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