can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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