He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
