I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
