Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
