you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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