I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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