i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
