there was a trapeze. enough said
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
