He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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