I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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