I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize