I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
