so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
