she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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