She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
