Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
