So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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