She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
