idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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