laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
