I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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