Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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