i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
