I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
