I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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