So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
