hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
