you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
