Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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