I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
