first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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