I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I party with great urgency now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
