get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
