She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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