New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
