every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
