Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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