You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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