Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
