Princesses don't give blow jobs
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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