Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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