This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
