fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
