i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
