Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
