i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
