I CAN MOONWALK!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
