Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
