you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
