There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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