So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
