My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
