There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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