My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
