I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
