Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
