; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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