i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
