If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
