i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
