dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
