There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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