At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
bring money and cleavage
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
