You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
